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lantaren/venster
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just caught myself thinking that maybe i'll go to the party next week of this guy i dont really know so well in the hopes that maybe i'll meet some interesting new people (of the male persuasion).
on the one hand, i need to get out more and meeting new people is something i need to do.
on the other hand, i'm becoming that person who wants to be in a relationship?
oh god. i feel like i've failed myself. for the longest time, i literally never understood people why people would be actively looking for a boyfriend (or girlfriend). i mean, it will happen when it happens right? and when that girl was like 'but, dont you WANT to be in a relationship? to have someone you can be close to?' i very honestly was just like, uh, no. why would i want that? im perfectly happy on my own.
only lately i find myself thinking about it more and more. which kinda freaks me out because uh, issues - i have them. and self esteem issues - i have them too. and the thought of opening up to people scares me. and yet here we are. starting to feel a little lonely (rather than just being alone) and i guess i should do something about that?
who knows. my inherent lazyness may mean i end up staying in and distracting myself with the internet as i always do.
'and i am.....scared'
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110922
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