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getting_evergreener
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a thimble in time
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Loneliness can be exhausting.
But your mind is so fruitful these days. You've been imprinting this virtual space with a mutiplicity of musings. These thoughts convey a sense of movement. You are growing quickly.
A few more bursts and who knows?
I see you in a parlor gathering a couple months from now, dictating the conversation with furtive glances and casual smiles, a total sense of confidance.
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040526
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pete
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i thought i had a job today. it seems i was hired not to work at the green party but volunteer there. oh well. they bought me lunch. "someday is now" their platform says. let us reduce income tax on the lowest levels. let us increase gas tax by 10 cents. let us legalize marijuana and tax that. let us tax coal. let us tax pesticides. let us tax environmentally unfriendly products that have afforadable environmentally friendly alternatives (okay i added this one my self).... and then lets increase health care spending.. but on sports.. but on making food in schools better.. but on preventative measures, instead of merely throwing money at problems let us try to take away the cause of the problem... oh green party of canada, how you speak to me.. if only you hired me for that 10$ an hour position.. not the occasional lunch one
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040526
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Piso Mojado
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im so scared, though.
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040529
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Piso Mojado
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you_are_here_with_me
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040529
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a thimble in time
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"The threat to inflict pain, for example, can trigger fears more damaging than the immediate sensation of pain ... Sustained long enough, a strong fear of anything vague or unknown induces regression, whereas the materialization of the fear, the infliction of some form of punishment, is likely to come as a relief. The subject finds that he can hold out, and his resistances are strengthened."
-from the Kubark Manuel
What does this have to do with anything? Sometimes the fear of an unknown future weighs so heavily upon us that we become paralyzed. We come to prefer the known present, even when the future promises to be far better. Such fears and ruminations eat away at our willingness to face tomorrow, and we fall asleep dreaming only of the past.
For my sake but more for yours, don't look back. Accept whatever struggles the future brings, and you'll learn to love the fruits of your labor.
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040601
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Piso Mojado
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i agree with all that you said except for the last part- i will always look back, even as im moving forward.
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040601
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Piso Mojado
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for your sake dont look back? ok, sure. i will not talk about our past or talk about missing you. all finished.
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040601
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Piso Mojado
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sorry about my bitchiness in the above post. just my insecurities getting the best of me, and the duality/vagueness/mixed interpretations that can occur with the written word (vs face to face conversation.)
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040602
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skinny
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my imaginations and musings can't carry me out of my room
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040602
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Piso Mojado
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slowly (oh so slowly!) blossoming
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040605
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a thimble in time
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I was trying to watch the sunset yesterday, but at the edge of the horizon there were these glori'ous clouds partially obstructing my view.
One might have expected these clouds to diminish the brilli'ance of the sun's descent, but on the contrary, the clouds sprayed hues of bright light 'cross the sky./
I was rendered breathless by a world magically transformed into a
blazing majestic kaleidoscope.
I missed you tremendously this week, and I thought about you constantly.
I thought about your single-minded perseverance, and I thought about
that softness you always have, even when you face a world which is often cruel and harsh.
I deserved this 'coup d'etat' that flooded my mind with memories of
you. One cannot block sunshine with a couple of clouds.
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040610
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minnesota_chris
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can't you two call each other? I think I'm getting jealous and anti-Zionist.
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040610
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a thimble in time
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MC
I thought your social life was quite in order? Didn't you go on a date last week?
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040610
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Piso Mojado
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the sunset/clouds sounds amazing
im glad the sunshine broke through- that the coup was successful- you deserve to remember all memories (of us, of...) good bad beautiful painful poignant
thank you (x9999083) for calling- hearing your voice was grounding and soothing.
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040610
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Piso Mojado
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im so lucky/fortunate that i met you- that our paths crossed.
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040610
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minnesota_chris
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grumpy grumpy grump grump
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040611
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