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fucking_the_good_things_up
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Death of a Rose
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Seems to be a never ending saga. Next time you idiot, leave the phone alone.
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040316
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unhinged
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i lied when i said that i didn't cry. but it was only a few tears for echoes of my past. a past that will haunt me everyday of my life no matter what. there are too many things here that i should never place on another person. love for me is learning when to stay silent. others only know of us what we want them to know. i should have never projected my need so strongly. don't change anything for me. it has been proven to be not worth it. i have been broken and so will i remain, and by being no fault of yours it is not your place to fix it or apologize for it. i can never say these things. which is why i write so much here. i never was an extrovert.
and we both blame ourselves which fucks it up when there was no reason for it to be fucked up. but i can't help thinking that my heart isn't big enough.
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040316
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Death of a Rose
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and yet i have the same inward feelings of inadequacy, self fulfilling prophecy it seems. no one deserves the fucked up shit I seem to project (in my head), making me not even worthy of being with another person, especially someone like you. how can i not hurt you by being me?
conversation killer i am. emotionally overflowing, drowning others in my wake.
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040316
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Syrope
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fucking_the_mediocre_things_up too
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040316
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whitechocolatewalrus
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this is what i get for being myself.
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040316
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joda
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I love you.
I hate you.
I see you, every day.
I don't know why I keep you,
So far away.
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040626
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Syrope
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took too damned long. i expect faster results next time
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040627
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.
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all day long
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040628
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puredream
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my mind.
all these good things, should be nothing but that, good things.
but my mind. my emotions. what i feel. what it think.
it's all fucking_the_good_things_up.
Because I dare ask why? what for?
And then thoughts start to jump. To echo. To make me cry, yet not cry.
Fuck. (my choice of word for these last few days)
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040628
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earsocks
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one by one
they fall from reach
these beautiful things
one by one
faith is lost
a lie is told
one by one
they fall from reach
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041128
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ivyducktwilightseto
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we all seem to be more alike than any of us know. i really came on here today thinking about how i do this all the time, an lo and behold there is this blathe. every good moment, every good time, a do something to fuck it up. kill the conversation, wreck the bad time. make myself feel bad and my friends want to leave. ugh i can't write... i gotta go maybe be back later to write more about how much i hate my thoughts and actions. ta ta
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041128
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BC
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Most of the time I'm worried about doing it. Then I see I did it anyway, just not in the way I was worried about doing it. What makes it even worse is when someone calls me on it like I planned it that way. Funny how alot of the times it specifically takes someone else pointing out to me that I did it for me to notice.
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041129
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i wouldnt call this a good thing
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041129
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fix
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041129
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