frayed_ends


	frayed_ends
apostrophe	I swear if i didn't love her as much as i do, I would tell her to get the fuck away from me. I already know i'm an idiot for not doing it already. I'm getting tired of these games she plays. I was gonna ask her to move in with me but now i'm not too sure. The other night we're on the phone, she starts saying things to get me wound up, using the kind of voice that's just pure sex, telling me how bad she wants me inside her, how wet the things I'm saying back make her.......then turns around and rips into me as if I was the one that started the game and starts knocking me for saying I want her. I should tell her to quit messing me around or to fuck off. The betrayals are worse, but not by much. I don't know if she knows i'm aware, and don't even know anymore that she even cares since she's done such a piss-poor job of hiding it. Why she hasn't just called this whole thing done and overwith on her side and keeps coming back to me is something I haven't figured out. Same with why i keep letting her. And to think we used to be friends before we became anything else and before we became whatever the fuck it is we are now. Here's the rub: if i turned around and did the same thing, she'll call me a million different nasty names, and not nasty in that good way either. I'm answering my own questions, I know, but i just needed to vent, because i'm so wrapped around her finger that it goes way the fuck beyond ridiculous.	030619
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endless desire	i'll never understand why people can't go back. why wouldn't apostrophe over here be able to go back to being just friends with his lady. it obviously was better that way? why do people break and leave and cry and whine and wish that things could go back to old times when they should just take the step to do that themselves. (not that you are doing that at all) but i just will never begin to understand why people claim they can never go back? yeah there is history and yeah it is hard, but if it really mattered to you, than you would take that leap. and if two people are close enough to be something in the first place, they should be dedicated enough to going back if what they are then isn't helping. if they are not, they shouldn't have dated in the first place. i know i am not making much sense, but this whole thing doesn't make much sense. (ok, i'm not wanting to go back because everything in my life is fine but i am just saying that it shouldn't be impossible. it should always be an option in your life--that your friendship is before anything else.) don't listen to me. i am just rambling. oh and it's fine to vent. we all need to vent. blather is a wonderful place to vent.	030619
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unhinged	something gnawed through the cord metal ends split exposed the energy raw like my nerves i don't want to pretend you said 'show me' so i did you decided that wasn't enough just like i was afraid you would fear as self_fulfilling_prophecy	140526
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unhinged	(people can't go back because it is like squeezing into clothes that are suddenly too small. because breaking someones trust is a serious thing. because adding sex to something and then drawing a boundary that doesnt include that anymore is... i don't know what that is. but for me, sex and dating opens up my heart in a way that i don't feel with friendships. it is something bigger, something more. taking that away is a fallacy. taking the memory of that away is impossible. not to mention the word dating itself barely means anything anymore in a disposable online world. most people that date shouldn't be together. half of people that get married get divorced. the effort of maintaining someones interest in the long term is something i completely don't understand. but i do know that my only expectation to be loved and appreciated for who i am seems to be not what long term relationships are made of)	140526
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dafremen	They are EXACTLY what long term relationships are made of. But you can't put the cart before the horse. THey have to accept you unconditionally FIRST. Unconditionally. What's your least acceptable character trait? Throw it at them. Did they stick around or look taken aback? Still there? THEN you MIGHT have found what you're looking for. Throw your next most marginal trait at them and see. We keep putting our best foot forward in the search for someone we expect to stick around through our worst.	140526