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food_based_metaphors_for_sex
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Kristopher
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My friends came up with these a while ago. They're not terribly funny, except to us, then we all die laughing.
Sex (meaning full-on, nudity-necessary, hot-monkey-love sex) is hereby referred to as 'cake'.
ie "Hey, man, how was your date?" "It roxxored; we had SERIOUS cake!"
Making out in some sort of undress (tops off or bottoms off, or some combination thereof) is known as 'pie'.
ie "So, did you get cake the other night?" "Nah, but there was some pretty good pie."
Plain old making out (clothes on, lights on) is known as 'cookies'.
ie "I saw you and Betty over there having cookies at that party Saturday!"
But, while cuddling (clothes on) with someone recently, I told her about these metaphors. She said, "Well, what about this? What would you call clothes-on cuddling?"
I had to think about that for a second. "Well, cuddling is somewhat down the totem pole from making out, so it has to be less than cookies. A candy bar, or something."
"What about Skittles?"
"Yeah, okay!"
So, cuddling with your clothes on is know called 'Skittles'.
Thanks, Jessica, for the inspiration, and the large supply of Skittles this weekend. *sheepish grin*
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030113
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screwing for virginity
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i want Skittles. the purple kind are my favorite
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030113
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Lilac
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I want some serious cake. The purple kind are my favorite.
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030121
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sirflaccid
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Don't forget about the spaghetti.
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030121
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Ariadani
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if cake is sex...then whats cheesecake?
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030121
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margadant11
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Cheesecake = masturbation
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030121
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screwing for virginity
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i must disagree on that. because cheesecake is the ultimate cake, shouldnt it mean the ultamate sex?
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030121
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girl_jane
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I agree, cheesecake would be the ultimate.
My thoughts of this page, I'd take some skittles now too...
A question, what's naked cuddling after cake...ice cream?
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030121
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Kristopher
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Hmmmm. . .
Wow.
That's all I can say. You blatherskites are the fucking coolest!!
I'm glad my subject has taken off so well.
Hmm, let's see, naked cuddling after sex, yes, would be 'cake ala mode'.
*ha ha ha*
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030121
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megan
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skittles :) makes me smile
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030121
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girlnamedlover
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people I know used to call it cake too.
and once my friend told my boyfriend to keep his batter away from my oven.
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030121
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Strideo
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boston creme cake
german chocolate cake
devil's food cake
heh, angel's food cake
cup cakes!
chocolate soufflé cake
sugar free diabetic cake?
sponge cake
strawberry short cake
pineapple cake, mmm tropical
coffee cake
heh heh, just what do they make you think of?
anyways . . .
.
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030121
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on an island somewhere in the pacific, the inhabitants eupehmistically refer to sex as "scraping the tapioca"
heh, gives the concept of the "pudding pop" a whole new meaning, if you ask me
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030121
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devalis
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"baking brownies" - complete with making sure you use a "pan"
"picking raspberries"
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030122
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Lilac
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We would always go out for "ice cream"
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030123
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DavesHeroinGirl
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There isn't a guy in the world that wouldn't want a cup of "tea."
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030124
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Kristopher
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And, of course, a 'slice' of cake or cheesecake is about five minutes worth.
"Yeah, but it'll be the best five minutes of your life, baby."
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030124
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Alden
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So I was watching comedy central presents: Dave Attell (that dork from Insomniac on CC) and during his routine he was talking about how sometimes you just want a cigarette, like after sex. He said something like "nobody rolls off after and says 'Boy that was great, I'd sure like a skittle. Do you want some skittles?'" In the light of this thread, it totally cracked me up.
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030124
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Kristopher
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Heh, that's exactly what I thought of when she said that.
"Sex and murder are sort of the same thing, you know? Cause you say the same thing after either one.
"'Damn, I gotta get outta here.'"
-- Dave Atell
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030125
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Alden
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Preach on brother kris! I was hoping someone else had seen that so I wouldn't look like a total loon.
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030125
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Kristopher
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Okay, blatherskites, a friend of a friend has given me a necessary update for my food based metaphors for sex. And I can't believe I forgot it.
Oral sex.
That's right, oral sex is now represented by the food item 'Twinkies'.
This works for either fellatio or cunnilingus. Because it's not quite a cake, but it's not just nude making out.
Clever fellow, this one.
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030227
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megan
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fingering? perhaps brownies or lemon bars {finger foods :)
just plain old kissing... candy bar or something like that
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030227
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niska
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kristopher, i believe food based metaphors for sex shuold actually include some sex, don't you agree? who's with me here? cuddling is not on the totem pole at all, because cuddling is not a sexual thing. ever! even after sex. it's an affection thing.
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030308
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niska
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but i DO enjoy your refernce to cake for actual sex...
that's pretty clever.
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030308
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Casey
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I just want to be pounded like a piece of dough.
-Crank Yankers.
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030308
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Kristopher
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Thank you, Niska. And, true, cuddling is not a sexual act, but rather an sign of affection; that's why we gave it a lower form than 'cake'.
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030309
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MyFigureFemale
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I always like to eat some Twinkies with my cake... with skittles as dessert
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030630
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ferret
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cheesecake should be a threesome
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030701
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seeeeeeee:?z
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cesar chavez BORN la hoodia
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040415
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