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unhinged
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I've been having a lot of realizations about us lately and one of the biggest occurred just in the past half hour.
you were genuinely afraid of me.
your life before me was so filled with struggle and hate and ugliness and pain and deception that you were afraid to have anything else.
i think of the first night we got together after i got back from ohio after visiting my family for christmas. you had been ignoring me because I had given you a letter when you and your dad picked me up for the airport about how i felt. all smooshy and rainbows and light. and you would barely talk to me for days. when we finally went to the bar up the street you would barely speak to me or look at me.
we went out to smoke and i still see it so fucking vividly:
your pale blue eyes hard with fear bouncing everywhere but at me and i was staring so intently that you couldn't help but catch my gaze for a second. in that second i saw how damn scared you were. of me.
that still breaks my heart
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