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everything_i_had_is_gone
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Doar
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freedom.
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050818
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... |
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Shattered
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story of my life
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050818
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... |
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peyton
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gone might be an inappropriate word
if it never really was
yours to begin with
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050818
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... |
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iNsEcUrE_GoTh_GiRl
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maybe it never was
but the illusion is gone
and it's loss is surprisingly real.
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050819
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... |
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once a fanatic
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shiver with the relief of liberation.
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050819
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i birdmads bitter heart
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i remember walking into the house and seeing the front door cracked where it had been broken in and the remains of the back door swinging on its hinges
what hadn't been stolen had been destroyed
sentimental things, little trinkets ,not necessarily items of any material value missing or crushed among the debris on the floor
my record collection, vinyl that i had "inherited" from my mom and dad, stuff that had been passed down by my brother and sisters and things i had picked up on my own along the way, stolen and pawned by useless crackheads who would never understandor appreciate the music or the ways in which it built some of the pieces of my soul
i was under-employed and flat-ass broke and there ws no way i could fix it on my own
that was the day i became homeless 7 and a half years ago, spiralling in and out of madness and despair, sleeping on other people's couches or under secluded bushes in some of the bigger city parks, living off of PB&J sandwiches and Dr. Pepper for one particular month even because that was all that was ever left for me even if i had scratched together enough money to pay for some of the groceries
hitting bottom and starting over sounds fun if you're a Pahlaniuk character, it's quite something else when moved from theory to practice
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050819
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... |
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i am jacks dislike of omissions
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i AM, that is
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050819
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... |
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.
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it's funny how something can become so precious that when you lose it it feels like you've lost everything
and funnier when you don't even know what it was
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050819
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... |
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icy
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.
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050819
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... |
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Syrope
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it's all been replaced with a lump that doesn't want to touch me or talk to me
i'm so ashamed of how relieved it all made me feel to lay there by myself last night, but of course then i felt bad and wanted you back.
our days are numbered now. to be the first person who's made me OK with who i am, you sure did make me hate myself last night. i need someone who doesn't make me feel like my mother. maybe i don't need anyone at all.
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050820
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*Amy*
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did I ever had something?
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050820
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