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i suppose i'm writing to you because i can't tell you what i need to say. for some reason, i'm afraid if i tell you about how i've been feeling lately, you'll just be burdened by it somehow. but i just wanted to say that i care about you, a lot. & if you need someone to talk to, or not talk to, or sleep next to, please, let it be me. because i think i'm good for you, if you allow me to try.
someone to put up with you, knowing it's just the shit you've had to put up with your whole life. someone you can share what you wrote today with. oh god this is all going to turn out so corny, but it needs to be put somewhere. i know you're a good person, but i don't know if you know that or not. & i'd like to support you to show you that you are.
i want to break down your walls. i know it's going to be hard, but i know it's possible. i'm willing to try. you are a good friend & you don't even believe it. you have shown me enough to outweigh anything i would have to put up with. you are a good person.
remember when i was helping you move, & the three of us smoked pot & ate robin's food. & your neighbors were playing ray charles, & i was dancing by myself on your porch, swaying back & forth. & you came up behind me & put your arms around me, turned me around, & we danced, slow, forgetting that the day was about putting boxes in a truck. you were everything to me then, in that moment, & have been since.
i hope you can think of me sometimes, even if it's just to comfort you or know that you have someone to turn to at any time.
i'm afraid of you doing something drastic. i'm afraid you're going to hurt yourself, because maybe what you wrote today was the end-all be-all. please don't let this be it. know that you are loved more than you can imagine.
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