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blah-ze
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starting high, to find as time goes by more and more can be seen through the paint over the mess that is me: i need repairs, i am broken, to find out what i hide, people must look inside, and that is the ending
seeing is believing: do i believe all that i see in me? because somehow, when you try the most to disguise it it all comes out, when you try the most to shut it away, the more it finds a way out to destroy you and make you fail: they will not believe you then, no matter what they saw in you
so beneath the surface, can you find my golden heart? i see you watch me and it makes me want to tear out what i can't change, too clumsy to comfort you, too ignorant to notice the source of your pain, but i try
i hate all that i am and all that i do: i lie awake and all i think about is being different, would you miss me when i'm gone? but every time i go to ask, words fail me, my heart deserts me, and i crush that which i feel back inside the cage i long to destroy
would i be running still if i hid away, if i crawled away to lick the scars of wounds gone? do you hate to love me? would you stop my fall or would you understand? i can't adjust to go on, i can't find enough within me to survive, i can't be enough to satisfy, and this is why i fall away
i hope you'll remember me when i'm gone
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050511
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