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waiting still
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After many years of bearing a secret, we are unburdened. We listened, watched, nodded. Breath held, peering into the new space where our mutual wants are no longer just flitting thoughts, over analyzed accidental connections. We confessed, fumbled in that moment, relieved to be free from wondering. We are now linked, with both want, and a new hesitation. There are no easy paths for us to be free to explore. We have confirmed the want only, with how still mired in reality. Our hope was to confess and be relieved. Now, more entangled, a multitude of tethering complexities unfolds. It was nearly nothing in these past years to endure simple desire, which could be kept largely silent behind a firewall of doubt. Desire is now alight, and it is silent know more. It is as storm with no outlet. With a bridge now built, the chasm of our circumstances becomes a real threat, not an irrelevant measurement. How do we safely navigate this? Can we use this bridge safely, feel and touch and speak our hearts desires, then journey back? Neither of us wants the utter destruction that would come from a fall, from the now shared secret leaking outside our stressed embrace. We are close as we walk. The whole town could be watching, is a causal brush to be noticed, interpreted, and revealed to all? How much connection will seem normal still. How many of the sleepless hours will urgently focus on this newly enabled hope. This confession and confirmation brings us together, to a single plane. We have real overlap, our vibrations affect the other directly. It is living, straining, storming. Can our connection grow again? How will we pass through the danger to enjoy more of each other? I am afraid we will never, as the risks are alarming and so complete. How easy the solitary longing seems now, as we spin and wait, suspended again. We are together, have found a better bond in our improved, deeply knowing separation. Waiting. Wondering. Still unresolved.
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