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Syrope
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of course he likes her. she's me (and i'm her), but less uptight and yet less whorish. apparently she almost wants to refuse his attention because "it's like he's a car that i'm allowing her to take a spin in, but i've already test driven it and passed on it"... almost. only i didn't pass on him, he passed on me. i know all too well that guys come in packs. that the glow of being desired attracts more desire. i was infinitely happy for her when the two she'd had her eye on finally came around, and i even tried to pass on some who were chasing me that i think would like her better. but this is different. it doesn't hurt in the old way...the way before i realized how much worse it could be when a best friend goes after someone i still loved. i never loved him, and she means so much more to me than he does, so this should be alright. i saw all this coming, when he mentioned her to me, again in his journal...twice, and then when he was trying to be all lighthearted in conversations with me. he's so fucking see-through. i saw her reacting differently, is all that has me so unsettled. if i were a little more paranoid i'd be scanning for subconscious desires to hurt me. on both their parts.
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040713
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