|
| |
everybodys_free_to_wear_sunscreen
|
|
|
Fudge
|
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….
You’re not as fat as you
imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own..
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen…
xXx ...Such A Good Song... xXx
|
040805
|
| |
... |
|
|
sab
|
Not the Sunscreen Song - John Saffron
If you're unsure about what you're going to do with your life try to remember some of the most interesting people didn't know what they wanted to do at age 22 or even at 40, when nearly all of them are unemployed drug addicts forced to live on cat food.
Also understand that friends will come and go - this is because of your irritating personality - nobody likes you. So if the only thing getting you through the day is the misconception that people like you - end it now.
Learn how to smoke Winnie blues.
If you're underage, get an older kid to buy them for you.
Get to really know your parents - they're good for money.
Milk them, then put them in an old peoples home.
Travel as often as you can. Live in New York City once. Live in northern California once. Never live in Adelaide - it's a hole.
Maybe you'll marry. Maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll have children. Maybe you won't. If you do have children, lock them under the stairs.
Do one thing each day that scares you.
Sing.
Dance.
Jump in front of a car.
Do not trust anyone that tries to update Shakespeare for the kids. And if you see Quindon Tarver in the street - punch him in the face for me...
Brother and sister, we can be free.
If you're worried about the way you look, try to remember you're probably fatter than you think. Maybe you should consider an eating disorder.
Don't worry too much about the future. If you're nervous about an exam, ring up the school at the scheduled time and make a bomb threat.
If you're a girl, lie about period pain just to get out of anything that you don't want to do.
Cheat if you think you can get away with it.
Remember, someone with richer parents is getting private tuition.
Shoplift as often as you can.
Shopping centres factor shop lifting into their prices so if you don't do it, it's like they're getting money for free.
When you're on work experience, steal a cabcharge and take a taxi to Perth.
Wear sunscreen, but only if its that coconut oil that gives you cancer.
Keep your old love letters.
If you see an old lover in the street, try to run them over in your car.
Don't mess too much with your hair, otherwise by the time you're 35, you'll look like Greg Matthews.
Remember you can wear your underwear 4 times without washing: forwards, backwards, inside out forwards, inside out backwards.
Brother and sister...**SMACK**
Congregate in gangs around train stations and shopping centres.
It's a free country.
It's public space.
Skateboard on war memorials.
Smoke in your school uniform.
Set off car alarms.
Plant drugs on a teacher.
Join a cult.
Spike drinks.
Don't flush public toilets.
Remember, only you will only truly take care of you - so carry a concealed weapon.
Don't wear your P plates.
Walk around with your eyelids rolled back.
Touch you tongue on the tips of batteries.
Be open to new love.
Remember, you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex.
Expect others to support you.
It's easy to get the dole - and still do cash in hand work.
Respect your elders.
When your grandmother dies have her stuffed.
Be kind to your knees.
You'll miss them when you're kneecapped by a loan shark.
Get revenge.
Don't forgive anyone for anything.
But most of all, don't aim too high - You're probably only suited to an office or factory job.
And trust me on the Winnie blues.
|
040805
|
| |
... |
|
|
Fudge
|
lmao i stand corrected.
|
040805
|
| |
... |
|
|
globalfruitbat
|
*makes a leg and bows deeply to sab*
I appluad you
|
040809
|
| |
... |
|
|
witchesrequiem
|
Thanks Sab...
Most of what I read was duh! ummm yeh!and duh!
As class of 98'...I'm thinking, is fudge practicing to be a speaker at graduation, not realizing that was 5 years ago.
Cuz I am one step ahead....
Last time I went to the beach I had so much suncreen on, I looked like a creamy freak.
I have never felt ugly reading a beauty mag.... most of them are aimed at 16 year olds, plus the models either have some diformity or fake tits.
My siblings are my past? What the? I'm the oldest...and the only one in 60 years to give a shit about a family tree.
Fuck NY and NC...I'm in New Orleans ..right in the middle, not to hard , not to soft! And it still sucks? We just get drunk!
Oh and thank you for reminding me I'm getting older! I must have forgot!
Hair, don't what? Are you forty fudge? No! class of 99' ....22 or 23. So how do you know what years of green manic panic will do.... my grandmother is 64 and she says huh! What? Which means she don't know either.
Ahhh shit....I'm going to bed this is f***ing pointless!
|
040810
|
| |
... |
|
|
mary schmich
|
witch, get a clue
|
040810
|
| |
... |
|
|
Fudge
|
apologizes for bringing this topic up again, but can i just say 'witchsrequiem'- you can offically be bumped up to 'special school'
:: pats head::
you do realize that was a song? and im sorry if you felt the need to write a long pointless piece of 'creative' writing...creative being totally retarded.
i mean you could of at least made it amusing like Sab, who realized that it wasnt ME giving advice, yet you chose the option of making yourself look foolish.
xXx
|
040817
|
| |
... |
|
|
sab
|
children, children
i tried really hard not to wade into this, but...
see how it says "not the sunscreen song" up the top with a name next to it?
mr john saffron wrote this
and then released it
go find it on mp3
i didnt create that
it doesnt even sound like me.
i jsut thought it was funny.
|
040817
|
| |
... |
|
|
Fudge
|
sorry sab that person just irritated me...
(by the way the version you got hold of was amusing)
xXx
|
040817
|
| |
... |
|
|
Flowerock
|
.
|
141116
|
