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Soma
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I want to lay my head against your shoulder before the speaker comes on to speak. After a second all nighter, I'm exhausted. You keep shifting your shoulder, poking me, telling me to wake up. I ask you what the hell this is all for, and you tell me I'm being all touchy feely and you don't want to be all touchy feely.
I want to lay my head on my boyfriend's shoulder.
We're sitting in the pavillion, and I'm being playful. Teasing you. We're fighting each other to see who can keep the other away the longest. You finally say "Stooop" in that voice that tells me you're fed up, say "I win" and go join your friends.
I want to be able to be silly with the person I love.
We're sitting at dinner, eating, and we are silent. Words between us.. fall and die.
I want to have a conversation with you.
I want to let go of the fear.
I want to love you.
I want to make things work.
I want to be able to make you understand that the way you're treating this is killing me. But I can't. I'd be sobbing my sorries, but I can't.
I can't. I could spill things to that terrible ex of mine...things that I don't think I could ever talk about with you, and it blows my mind, because I love you so much more.
Is love holding me back?
And more than anything I want to be sure that I'm yours, but I no that no ring will make me that. I know that no amount of love will take away that taint.
I want to have a conversation with you.
I want to talk to you.
I want to know you.
Why does it seem like there is a wall keeping me from being able to do any of this?
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090129
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