blather
replacement_angel
unhinged this morning i was curled up in bed trying to fall back asleep after my bladder had so rudely woken me up and i thought of the gift i wanted to give you. the cross i had bought in europe, the way the sun shone through the amber plastic like she was calling out to me. i didn't KNOW she was gone but i KNEW. the way the sun shone through...the day you came back to me was the day she left me four years earlier. she has saved my life a few times since, my angel, her middle name was love. the day you came back to me i had scabs at my wrist. the day i was forced to leave you i threw that away. she kept me alive so that you could teach me what love can really do. every word i write seems paltry in comparison to what you really do for me everyday of my new life. my tears taste a little sweeter when they are for you. my scars seem to disappear a little faster when they remember you. i_miss_you. but i carry you with me like she came with me. i think maybe she guided you back here to me, for me, love me.

i_miss_you
but
ill_always_be_here
knowing that you were the same for me
030515
...
nameless If there was ever an angel there I must've pushed her away. The closest thing I have to an angel exists solely in my mind, and I've only seen you once. I've looked for you and hoped for you to come back but you've never returned. I wish you wouldn't leave me here to go through this bullshit alone. I can't do it alone. I still remember how you comforted me when I couldn't hold the will to live. I remember your soft hands' caress across my head and shoulder. When my body was too heavy and weak to move you came to me to let me know everything was okay. When I couldn't speak and barely mumble you knew what was on my mind, because you were a part of me. I would've cried because of your sympathy if I wasn't so tired. I would've made sure you never left if you hadn't helped me to sleep. But you must be my angel because no one else could help me like you did. But I can feel my mind breaking down again. And your presence will be more than welcomed. 030515
...
water droplet It just wasn't the same.
nothing could really replace my angel, because as the first, you were the one who cared. You made sure every step I took went the right way, and this angel..this replacement...doesn't care about me.
051021
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unhinged time_catches_up_with_you


arielle
081025