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putting_it_in_its_place
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unhinged
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(i originally blathed this under passtervana but i decided i didn't want to mar that page)
but for all my religious thoughts yesterday, i still got uncontrollably pissed when he didn't answer my calls and ended up drinking the anger away. when all the distractions were gone and i laid down to sleep, i still cried. *sigh*
i'm hoping unhinged_in_san_francisco will do the trick again. i don't like being angry and i am 'fuck off and die' angry right now. not only does it waste a lot of energy, i feel like it is fundamentally at odds with who i really am.
i tried to exercise my anger away today. i walked for 40 min. i did 40 min of yoga. and i ended up with his whiskers on my black yoga pants. they stand out like little neon signs of sadness and anger. i've vacuumed the carpet and i must have a shitty vacuum cause i am still getting his blonde whiskers on my pants. i couldn't finish my yoga without crying.
tears welled to my eyes numerous times yesterday in church.
love
compassion
joy
*sigh*
(i don't like when i have to remind myself)
enlightened i am not
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100405
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amy nada
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{insert pep talk here}
you'll be okay, and you'll move on to try again soon. we all do, eventually. don't fret about being angry. it's as natural as, say, soap and water. which i guess means it's kind of human-made. but that's okay too. it's all going to be okay.
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100405
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amy nada
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really, i mean that. you're great at learning lessons, so you'll get through this all shiny on the other side.
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100405
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unhinged
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it took me almost another year, (a whole goddamn year), to get you out of my heart.
but i was busy building my confidence when you were busy hustling.
too bad
now i think
you never really loved me
i was just another piece of the hustle
you want me to see your perspective
yet you don't have any idea
why i feel like
i was just another piece of the hustle
i am still stuck in the loop
of discursive anger over you
but i know parts of me are healed, stronger
without_you
we (me and anthony) talked on the phone recently and i told him i had finally left you behind me. 'good. isn't being alone better than being with that?'
you haven't spent much time alone have you anthony?
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110328
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unhinged
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cultivate_equanimity
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111025
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unhinged
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shamatha
new_ink
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