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birdmad
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this morning i awoke grateful for those cheesily advertised spray colognes.
not that they deliver as they advertise, but they are good enough to cover up for after the fact
went out on a weeknight, a rare occurrence
random encounter
caught a cab home as the sun was coming up, no time to shower upon arrival, only time to feed the cats, clean the box, change clothes and hit the road back to the office
grimed over with the combined smells of smoke, sex and the faint whiff of perfume, a little spray and off i go
break into a sprint to meet my bus on time.
new sweat plus cologne plus the residues of last night, ostensibly i should be repulsive, but every woman on the bus and the ones in my office have all given me, to some degree or other, *that* look
i wish i could bottle this because now instead of that pervasive feeling of ugliness and worthlessness, the most annoying social shortcoming i feel at any given point is anonymity, which was fine when i was a low-level criminal but requires an extraordinary amount of effort to overcome.
dirty pheromone sweat and a mind to match.
if my drinking, the snacks and the cab-fare had not rendered me cash-strapped until next thursday, i think i'd do it again tonight and tomorrow.
I've had too much fun replaying last night in my head to concentrate on work today, but there was not all that much work that needed doing, fridays tend to be slow. no pretense of anything deeper, no insincere "i love you"s and in a case like this, i wouldn't have cared even if she had called out some other guy's name at an inopportune moment (which, when you do have some measure of emotional investment really sucks...trust me... but in cases like this is beyond irrelevant) no "call me" just an appreciative "hey, have a good one" as i venture of into the morning with a "you too" over my shoulder
if i see that one again and she's game we can see what happens, if not, oh well.
i imagine that in a few years i will be (if, at 36, i'm not already) entirely too old for this sort of behavior, but i figure i may as well indulge while the opportunities are still there.
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080502
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