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grendel muses on inevitability
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(day in, day out - day in, day out)
I am not all that old, but the choices i made when i was younger and a few of the ones i still make now have left me feeling every second of my age as if it were two, or even ten
(physically, at least)
mentally and emotionally, i am comfortable most of the time with a few lapses into my old manias and despairs, but compared to when i first came here now those episodes are the exception and no longer the rule
my new madness is this bizarre, recurring paranoia involving death by some sort of gruesome yet highly improbable accident, the particulars change each time i have this feeling, but nonetheless, there it is.
no sooner did i shed the immobilizing layers of fat than the immobilizing layers of prior stupidity manifested as lingering aches
("If i had known i was gonna live this long..." he says)
funny that all my youthful self_destruction wasn't what got to me, what's getting to me is the increasing awareness of the passage of time
ridiculous old creature creeping along the streets, heh-heh, hee-hee, ho-ho.
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