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where_the_mind_goes_at_sunset
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magicforest
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Stood there last night in awe and unable to look away like it was something grisly, filled with that sense of rapt effervescent joy and that sense of numbing agony that I could only turn to an imaginary person beside me and give them a long look of, this is what I think it is beautiful, this is what I am. But of course, there was no one there. When I was younger I thought a camera would fill that void, but a picture on a piece of paper is no consolation and no dream swept out from under the bed. So I just grapple with the beauty alone. I stayed out as long as I could and then went out again, only by then it was pitch black and very cold and rather unsafe to be around the forest then. It reminds me of a poem..."I am on my way running". I ran, somehow managed to not trip, knowing what direction to go in but knowing I would get lost and then found an assured-looking stump and cried and cried. That is the only occasion in which I have ever felt my own tears freeze into ice on my face. I have a feeling it was symbolic for something but I couldn't be in a less metaphporical mood if I tried. Then I came home and squeezed in a few minutes of pouring everything--including the night before, which I hadn't told anyone about--to Marx, who took care of me the best he could. Then my mother found me and attacked me about the night before and just stood there absorbing it, taking it all in, one small me-shaped sponge. She delivered one smooth slap to my face and then shook me when I did not wince, did not cry out, did not react. When I pick all of the people out of my life, one by one, flicking them into oblivion, they won't fuck me up with their good intentions and platitudes and meaningless reassurances anymore. I can keep my sunsets to myself. They can keep theirs. I do not need to share them with anyone; they will be mine and mine alone.
turns away from all of you
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031107
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magicforest
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I had to work tonight so I missed le coucher de soleil, I was very disappointed because it was brilliantly bright with ecclesiastical golds and yellows and whites. I found out that I had a terrible mark in one of my courses because of a late assignment and told my mother--better she finds out from me than from my teacher, I thought, but it turned out differently than I expected because suddenly poof, my blanket is gone. As in, the thick duvet I sleep under is gone. Poof. So I took a nap wearing three layers of clothes to stay warm but my neck and feet and ankles and stomach were shivering. I don't know why my mother chose my duvet to take away...it's 11:15 pm as I'm writing this and I'm procrastinating going to bed because...it's cold. And I'm exhausted. But I don't know how to approach this situation...
hold hold hold
Well. There are people who have fared far worse than a simple lack of duvet. I am overreacting.
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031107
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pipedream
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it's funny the way you can't share things like sunsets, even if you wanted to. my sunset equivalent comes in the flight of sparrows at dusk to a bamboo grove at my university. they loop the loop in a great flock spread out in the pink sky, chirping and talking to each other, just flying in graceful swoops until they all perch in the bamboo and chirrup frenetically in the autum twilight. it soothes my soul in ways i cannot explain. the simplicity of it all; the togetherness, the sky ripening into night...sometimes i feel like my life carries on from moments like these to the next small piece of magic only i seem to recognise, and ache with its beauty.
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031108
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magicforest
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When I woke up this morning we had three inches of snow and it kept falling. It fell until late at night when the snowflakes showed up against the black backdrop and were lit up by street lamps like white fireflies. I imploded as I walked home because it was too beautiful to keep to myself, so I am sharing it with you.
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031109
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pipedream
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my god, that sounds beautiful.
it doesn't snow where i live, but we have monsoons, and the sound of the first shower is like bells of freedom. for me, rain is the ultimate manifestation of God. rain, butterflies and babies, but rain is just....magic. i don't care about condensation and shit. will gab about rain in a bit. right now i have an exam to take.
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031109
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magicforest
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Here is the misconception with snow. People think that the concept of snow "sparkling" is just some poetic rambling. It is not. Snow sparkles. Not only that, but if you get the sunlight at the right angle, it sparkles in different colours. Pink, blue, yellow, green. Snow also reflects. It reflects sunsets. If the sky is orange the snow is tainted such. Sometimes the snow is variants of colours. Another thing people should know about snow is that when a shadow falls on snow, it is not grey as people would expect. Shadows on snow are blue. Freshly fallen snow is the most beautiful because then the top layer hasn't melted yet, so the six points of each flake are very detailed and reflect better. Sometimes snow doesn't have six pointed flakes. Sometimes there are huge clusters of flakes. Sometimes there are snow pellets, tiny perfect round balls of hard snow. This is what everyone who has not experienced real snow should know.
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031109
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pipedream
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*stores that away*
good good
i *have* experienced snow, in my backyard, but once when it snowed when we were living in beaverton. otherwise snow is the stuff on the side of the road when you travel north in the winter.
shall digress on rain when it comes.
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031109
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