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motherly_love
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a clever disguise
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My mother is a bitch and I can't stand practically anything she says or does. She is selfish, self-righteous, hypocritical and a braggard. She has never helped me when I needed help.
I can see a lot of my mother in me, but I have always been comforted by the fact that I can see it. She is oblivious to what a monster she is. I can apologize to my daughter when I fly off the handle or misplace my anger. My mother never has.
As a young girl and pre-teen, I can remember having a very close relationship with her and growing to despise her as she could not trust or relate to me, even when telling me stories of dating drug dealers and doing acid, then later chiding me for being 4 minutes late. I'm coming up on 30 and through everything I have been through, she has never restored her faith in me or trust or my importance to her as a daughter.
I know it is easy to love an adorable, small child, harder to love a curious and explorative teenager and maybe silly to "love" a grown woman. And I hope that my knowledge and my experience will help me to unconditionally love my daughter, accept her for all her attributes and have faith in her even when I know she is doing things that a cautious mother would consider dangerous.
May it be so.
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120131
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unhinged
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maybe discipline was really the only way she could think to express her love...?
my father was pretty damn strict when i was younger and it drove me crazy. i couldn't really relate to him, confide in him, i thought he didn't trust me. but his family didnt really express emotions, especially love, so ive realized that all the stuff he did that pushed me away when i was younger was just him doing the best he could to show his love. we don't see eye to eye on so much, and he has personality flaws just like I do, but he took care of me as best he could.
i let go of the inferiority complex he gave me. as an adult, i see he just didn't understand how hypersensitive i was and it wasn't really in the parenting style of his generation to cultivate interactions for each childs needs.
*shrugs*
maybe if you forgive her a little, it'll lighten you own motherly load.
is doling out unsolicited blather advice of her own today
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120131
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a clever disguise
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What you say of your dad is similar to me and my dad (and I would think many people's relationships with their dads). We forgive our dads easiest because not only are most men totally emotionally_retarded, but also as mens' testosterone levels wane as they age, they get sweeter and we see them in a different light.
I don't feel I hold a grudge for my mom's parenting. There are 6 in our family and we all live within 5 miles of each other and we see each other a lot. I see things in her I never saw as a kid. All the nasty adjectives I've used of her are driven from recent examples. She is just really a terribly nasty person. She came from an abusive home, so, blah_blah_blah, she learned it.
What I mean to do is see the "her" in me, learn from it and not let myself be with Bernadette the way she was and is with me. I have no real relationship with my mother (that I want) and if I ever make B feel that way about me, at any point in her life (other than her impending rebellious years), I will lose the only relationship that is truly intrinsic to me. She has 3 other kids who still (sort of) like her.
Now, shut the fuck up and let me post whatever I want! ;)
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120131
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a clever disguise
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My mother broke my heart again today.
Why should I think that I should mean more to her than the man who dumped me? My, what a silly idea.
No, you're right, Mom. You should be able to continue to flirt with him for the rest of your life even if he isn't my boyfriend anymore.
You Jerry_Springer_Bitch.
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120331
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a clever disguise
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and again today. Seriously, my mother is evil. It is a kind of pain that is unspeakable to have someone so close to your core as your own mother betray you.
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120413
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