|
| |
stage_fright
|
|
|
gull
|
give me an hour or two,
and i’ll write you a story
with a hero at the helm
and some characters
from the deepest depths
of my imagination.
and all these characters
will have a trait or two of mine.
they’re all me, each and
every one of them.
but in different ways.
in irrelevant ways.
maybe you notice
or maybe you don’t.
maybe you wonder
but don’t like to ask
because you’re too polite.
maybe that’s what it is.
sometimes i can’t get the
numbers to add up,
because i don’t know
the answer to the question
because the question
was to an entity.
see, when you’re on stage,
and life is the ultimate stage,
(it’s broadway, it’s hollywood,
it’s london’s west end all in one)
it’s really hard to be yourself
when you’re playing someone else.
|
020323
|
| |
... |
|
|
kerry
|
he came out of the door
and the ravers were crowding him
makeup wiped off his face, curls wet to his head and he was so tall, wearing post-play clothes... a thick sweater, his doc martens, and he looked so tired...
with one big sweeping arm like a wing, [i was in my red suede blazer and cowboy plaid shirt] he hugs me one-armed, and my cheek is on his chest, ever so briefly*****
i've known him forever and never really loved him that way
|
020323
|
| |
... |
|
|
gull
|
you liked this one
i seem to recall
don't know if you're reading
or if you've read since it all
i think probably not
such a long way to fall
but hey, let me live in hope.
i haven't been here myself
since late may
i'm not a psycho
so don't shy away
i just wonder about you
and hope you're ok
i like to think
that you're doing well.
because i care
and i always will
no matter what's happened.
|
021214
|
| |
... |
|
|
gull
|
maybe you don't even bother
with this place anymore.
maybe you left it behind.
i just wanted to pay a visit
half-hoping to find you here.
see, i wanted to wish you
a very merry christmas
but i hope that doesn't
make you mad.
that's not what i want.
believe me,
beleive.
i'll never contact you
so don't worry about that.
my e-mail and phone number
are both dead these days
so you can't contact me
even if you wanted to
(which i doubt you do
but i thought i'd
mention it, anyway).
but if you did want to reach me
you know that you could
and you know how you could.
maybe you don't know
that i'd be there for you,
to listen to you
if you needed someone
to listen to you,
but i would.
i'm always here for you
in spite of it all
even though you probably
still hate me.
i'm sorry if you hate me.
i don't hate you, i swear.
i'm not begging you here
or being lame like a loser
or fickle just to please you.
i'm not any of the
nice things that
you once said i was.
i really am human
i guess you know that now.
i'm just me.
you hate some parts, i know
and i'm sorry about those parts.
if i could change them, i would.
i'd change them all for you.
by the way
i hope you liked his dvd.
what am i doing here?
i'm wasting my time again.
but before i go
i just want you to know
that you were a very
dear friend to me.
i loved the times we shared
and i don't regret a thing
not even oxford
although it was hell
although it ended in tears.
i'm not dwelling on things
i've got lots in my life
and i'm happier now
than i've been in a long time
although i'd be happier if
you were still in my life
sharing my dreams
being as silly as me.
but the truth is
i think about you most days
and i haven't been able
to listen to leonard
or fiona for fear of tears
that i don't like to cry.
this is the first time
i've been back here in ages
and i have tears in my eyes
although i'm very accepting
and feel in my heart that
what's done is done
and there can be no going back.
i'm not in denial
and i don't need therapy
but if you were a therapist
i'd make an appointment
and i'd tell you the lot.
yet i told you so much
and you didn't need to hear it
so i'm sorry that you heard it
and i'm sorry it made you blue.
back then we were so close
and it just wasn't healthy
to be so similar in so many ways.
i'm sorry i made your head ache
and i'm sorry your blood boil.
forgive me all that
as i forgave you with ease
and know that i always will
class you as a friend
and hope with all my heart
that you can do the same.
|
021214
|
