blather
reflections_on_my_50_years
sameolme 50 was the most impresive birthday for me since 10 (double digits meant a lot).
Half a century! The American Association
of Retired People (AARP) sent me an invitation to join, apparently they send it to everybody who turns 50.
Its like getting an official welcome to old age. I'm not nearly ready to retire,
but I'm ready to accept that ,damn I can't even say it, I'm ready to start trying to accept my, my what? decline?
mortality? age? act your age! Damn it,
I'll act anyway I please!
040629
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Doar good for you! 040705
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damn Do you remember fifteen? (its immature little soundalike) 040705
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sameolme Yeah, I ran away from home the summer I turned 15. I had planned it for months; caddying , not spending my lunch money, and skimming money out of my father's pockets when he was passed out. I told the sitter that I was leaving to join my parents on their vacation.
I can't explain my thinking, I just had to get out. I was gonna join up with the hippies in San Francisco. Made it as far as Indiana (from NJ). There were three of us. My best friend Billy,
me and Reed. I was reading Herman Hesse at the time, and was both very cynical and very romantic in a confused sort of way. It is when I first started to see that there is no absolute truth, and that what is true for me today, might not be soon. I was no longer a child.
I understood that I had begun to navigate my own way through this life.
040705
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sameolme I'm starting to get good at the sound effects of age.
It took years to develop a well nuanced
"uuhhm" to accompany my getting up from a chair.
No "owie my aching back!" for me.
040730