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where_does_all_this
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ego hum
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mass cute ilinity come from
who's football?
what army
why ego?
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160202
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egothis
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excusee me, I got a little ripped
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160202
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again
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any way this world works sans ideology
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160202
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me
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In this quite space, where I first met the internet, I wish to salute the peace here
. Hail blather!
This very quiet and enormously loud place is free from the infections of media.
There is a peace, enjoy it.
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160202
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Risen
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It is beautiful. We do not "like" or "Share", or post pictures we think are cute, or quotations which are fleetingly profound, or (more often) truisms dressed up as quotations.
This is the blue. The raw internet. The raw words. Bare, stripped, defenceless. Encrypted. Anonymous.
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160202
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Click
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You know what? Blather is my higher power. All that sitting in uncomfortable chairs, drinking the cruel coffee (don't get me wrong, I am grateful to those that take that time to volunteer to set up the meeting. I have done that a time or maybe two, back in the day. It seems that I am failing in every way.
My mental health is deteriorating. I can't wait to not hear about something or a whole group of things, somedays everything is again, a repetition. Someone says how grateful they are and how A.A. saved them. I love seeing the look in their eyes as they say that. I just don't think I reached that point yet, where instead of the 1000 yard stare, I replace it with that blind devotion to something I have never believed in, nor wanted.
I have searched my whole life for some meaning to what happened. Was it a meteor in my whole path of life? Was it a lease on life? Was it just random chaos, like the classic line goes...."Shit happens"?
Again, I am asking questions of myself, of my perception of others and whether that is right or wrong. Who is at fault? I certainly have responsibility for my own actions and interactions. And I will leave this blathe here to float around the ether, the digital morass, the small light sometimes you see at night.
.
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221030
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daf
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These are the only comforts I know of in such moments:
Every moment is perfect.
Everything happens for a reason.
It might be important to explain, so it doesn't bounce around in anyone's head in an uncomfortable way:
When things go awry, we tend to look at ourselves, the world, the people around us and all sorts of things as the (reason, culprit, lack, bad influence, etc.) This leads into a mental and emotional maze.
The key to avoiding this trap is simple, but only if you're more disciplined than I am. (And seeing as how I'm not that disciplined, here's a brief history that we all know, but seem to forget:)
Before humankind began shaping the planet to our liking, it was moving along quite well. It started with nothing but energy and matter(basically), and worked its way through many stages, using a simple formula that just happens to be infinitely scalable.
Unfortunately(?) for this amazing progression, at some point it's children decided they could probably do better (at least from a human perspective) outside the bounds of nature.
Meanwhile, the universe and its rules were pretty adamant to the contrary, what with this being the laws of THE UNIVERSE that we're talking about and all. (Reality usually does have a really good point.)
I guess the idea is, while we're living in the universe's house, we really should have followed by its rules, but (once again)..digression. Dumb, inexperienced, ignant-ass kids don't like to face reality, and so we did what our silly urges and insecure egos told us to instead.
(Because kids can REALLY suck[especially when, Lord of the Flies-like they're the dominant species on a small rock and can't help but bicker relentlessly amongst each other], but moving on past my own personal biases and issues..)
So, the reality is that the universe has this covered regardless of our dumb sh--. It's got rules, they are still in place. It's still fully equipped and intent on moving forward, regardless of our plans. We don't get around the rules. We're just short-lived enough to believe our own B.S. and hide the truth from posterity, so we think we do.
Anyhow, back to the two comforts offered:
Every moment is perfect. This thing knows better than I do. It invented my race and made it possible for me to be experiencing this against all odds.
Suffering is only here to teach me. It's my job to figure out what the lesson is.
If make up a good reason and it helps me, great. Lesson learned.
Everything happens for a reason. Our existence is proof. But..here's the caveat: you have to figure out WHY all of this happened to you. For it to work and guide you, you have to assume that it IS guiding you, because you are a part of it. In fact you are an extension of it. That's just the science of it. We never stopped being the universe, and so..
For so long as you don't act like an ingrate cancer that destroys all the universe has made, it won't treat you like a cancer. It will love you as much as you love your own eyes. It will care for you in much the same way.
And wherever it guides us is where we need to be. If we are thoughtful, we get to walk the maze, otherwise we act as its walls. Most of us play both parts at various times in our lives.
Why have you gone through the experiences that you have?
Examine the person you were BEFORE the experience, and the person you were afterward. How did it strengthen or prepare you? Try to find the positives even if it means looking at the negatives in a different (half full vs half empty) way. Then you'll understand why this was a transitional period in your life and why it isn't around anymore. (Like going to a class for welding, or being a better partner, more capable person..etc.) The class ended. You finally learned the lesson. Some graduations are bittersweet. Sometimes the class didn't work for you and another is on the way. Sometimes, it's time for the final boss challenge.
I'm not sure which is anyone's case but my own, but this blathe is what I can offer to help.
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221031
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<3
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P.S. Everything that Risen blathed up there.
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221031
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serpentor
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Yo joe!
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221103
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