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Bespeckled
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Why do we always want what we can't have? Why do I want what I know I don't even want - what's been had before and gladly, finally, rid of?
Two wants:
1. Him - more in the back of my mind, because there is no chance, and really it's only a fleeting fantasy that dances in my head on second and out the next minute. It's not even reality, really. Makes no sense, and I just now realized I wanted it as I wrote "1" down.
2. Him? - no, I don't want him, because I hate it once I'm with him. What do I REALLY want then ...
3. Not "him?" but Him without her - I don't want him; I just don't want him to have her. More, to be in love with her. Why, because he was once in love with me, and until this moment, I felt he was still and always and unceasingly in love with me.
And it's a difficult thing realizing that someone you once loved has fallen out of love with you. And especially, has replaced you, all in one sweeping dark and snowy alone moment.
A little hard to handle late at night.
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