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The Spork
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this is sort of tied to the blathes under adversity_builds_character
when you go back to this, it always makes me wonder, too, about the saying that "No one else can love you unless youlearn to love yourself."
I've known a lot of people who have been so beaten up by their experiences in life that, in their own analysis of things, they have every reason in the world to despise themselves.
You can tell someone until you are blue in the face that they are wrong to think and feel the way that they do, but when they reach that point of feeling so debased, but that just tends to reinforce their perception of being "wrong"
If you want to challenge someone's perceptions on this matter, it isn't enough to simply flatter people with polite lip service about how nice a person you think they are, point out to them one of the things that you think is one of their genuinely good traits or characteristics, challenge them to find a few on their own, there's a small kernel of egotism in everyone, it's just that for some people it has managed to backfire and instead of making them feel like giants it has made them feel insignificant.
when we give advice, we should be prepared to put our words into action or else we run the risk of all of our niceties ringing hollow
if your child comes home for some reason thinking he/she is dumb, find out why and show them as best as you can why he/she isn't
if someone you love is suddenly afraid they don't deserve it, remind them why they do, sometimes even the smallest reassurances can replace a lot of lost confidence
if one of your friends is down and is feeling like a failure, remind them of where and how they have succeeded in the past, even again, in the smallest things.
too many of us are being lost to the advice of people who are paid by the hour to tell us how fucked_up we are and refer us to a pharmacist, true there are such things as chemical imbalances and some people genuinely do need the help, but as for the head-shrinkers... are they really helping?
--or are you and your insurance company just buying their nice real estate and expensive cars for them?
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