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iNsEcUrE_GoTh_GiRl
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free?
an alien concept.
from the shame that haunts me when i think
or even try to think
about the foolishness of my actions
am i the victim or just a deluded, frigid girl.
the shame
is partly from my lack of stopping him
and partly because he doesn't know that he did this to me
to him i wa just another girl he tried to lay.
but to me this is an unspeakable shame.
let me repress it
stop making me bring the hot, hot shame back.
i can feel it pouring in flushes of heat across my face, neck and shoulders.
the weight of it is crippling.
the embarrassment.
nobody can know.
not even you.
any of you.
nobody can understand what it feels like to me, because i have to be overreacting.
this wouldn't faze somebody else.
but how many somebodies would not be fazed? that is the question.
as i was told recently, i don't need anybody's approval to act.
maybe i can just embrace the fact that that incident really upset me.
traumatised me, in fact.
everybody's different, right?
there's no right or wrong way for me to feel.
but let's not get back onto the shame thing.
i can feel it starting to sweep through me again.
quick
if i run fast enough from it, it can't hurt me again.
keep running
then repress it.
thank you.
ignoring it will make the memory go away eventually.
but it wasn't my fault, i have to remember that.
it wasn't my fault.
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