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puredream
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Where to go and what to do? Who to bring and what to wear? Do I fly or walk? Or run or swim? Duck or dive?
I've graduated. I am complete in the ways of mandatory education. I am finished with the set out plans for my life. There is now no direction, no hand leading the way. This, I like.
But I am being constantly questioned. Barraded if you will, with horrible and frightening words like "What are you going to do with your life?"
Am I supposed to know?
I sure hope not. I do not want to know everything. I want to find surprises. Find joys. Excitements. Find sadnesses. Discover smiles. Jump rainbows. Swim with unknown tomorrows.
I can't feel tied down anymore. That's what has kept me in this pool of water fighting to stay afloat for that past two years. So no, I'm sorry I don't have the answer to these or any of your questions.
I don't know what I am doing with the rest of my life! I don't know what I'm doing this fall or for the rest of the summer! Heck I don't even know what I'm doing tomorrow!! and...
I AM OKAY WITH THAT!!!
and *she breathes*
My family has such a different mind setting than I do. I am somewhat psychotic? Maybe that's it.
I know that they want to know that I have a place and a secure future. That will put them at ease. But unfortunetely, going to school is just not a healthy plan for me right now. I have practically failed the last two years of high school. I doubt I could just jump into a University setting and just cozy into the thought of assigned work and whatnot. I need air. New air.
I need to rekindle my life. I need to find my life for the first time...
My life.
Today my mother talked to me about how I'm reaching a stage where I'm "about to start thinking for yourself". Umm what? I haven't been thinking for myself? Now wait just a minute. Are you telling me that I haven't been my own person? I haven't been thinking my own thoughts? Identity crisis alert!!!
Thanks Mom.
So I guess what I'm asking here and now is...not so much a question per se but a request for not even advice but stories. Of your lives...your experiences.
Sum up your after-high school journey. Include your mind set then and it compared to now. Might be beneficial to include your age.
Oh I do have one question... am I completely crazy?
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040615
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