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overwhelmmmm
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Ouroboros
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it's all turning out to be
a big deal
i just want to graduate
and go do/live yoga
in the bay area
and be done with this
presssssssssure
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060425
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u24
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i share your wanting to get on with things.
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060426
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KISA
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cant escape the pressure no matter how far you it will always catch up with. but you can have fun even if it doesnt happen the way you want
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060426
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Ouroboros
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6 weeks left
of school
before graduation
and entering the big question mark of the rest of my life
but before then
2 15 page papers, 2 group presentations, tests, reading, class time, human development time line, do the work to get all 20 credits, assisting at heart_of_now, downsizing and packing up all my belongings, working on friendships/relationships, continuing to develop angel and i's long distance relationship, bellydancing class, practicing lucid dreaming, cleaning, running, yoga
and where am i living after june 30th? and what am i doing with my summer? with myself post-burning man? do i have what it takes to emerge and go where i need to go and do what i need to do? do i have enough brain cells left to consider a real career in academia?
and why am i in a relationship? i can barely take care of myself (i was supposed to be doing school work this weekend- not dates/alcohol/cocaine/5am/wasting time.
and it's 12:32am. MAY fucking first. 2006. what the fuck am i doing
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060501
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Ouroboros
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it's been over a year and it's still the same, just different location/relationship/job. same lack of inside, same lack of outside. Same stupid waste. Same not being enough. Never ever being enough or right or what i could. Same making no difference in the world. MJA told me I wanted a pleasure cruise (and not, like him, to make the world a better place)- I don't want a fucking pleasure cruise- I just don;t know how to help, because how can I help. My bumped sticker says 'everything is sacred' and it's there to help remind me that that includes me. blah blah blah blah. stupid. all of it.
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070511
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Ouroboros
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And, as usual, I want to hide under the covers/be zonked out on OTC meds/be dead and beyond and done with it in this form.
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070511
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