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megan
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so many words i could say, but none seem quite adequate
maybe you will come back? maybe you'll miss me?
maybe not.
i need to learn to be myself again, not half a person, half a couple, i am me for once.
for just once.
i've said that "it hurts" so much, that hurting seems to have numbed what it's really doing to me.
i feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest and squeezed all over the floor. i feel like you took me and shook me and kept me and made me feel like a princess and then realized that nothing is as it seems.
words seem mediocre in the face of reality. i've never struggled with that.
after around 3 years of being with someone, you forget how to be without. i forget how to wake up and see my room lit up. pictures of us on the walls, the star you bought me on the wall (promising that no matter where or when we are we will always be together remember?), my necklace hanging loosely around my neck with that ring that you made me. how do i get up every morning and breathe again?
how do i let the tears fall and not feel bad about hurting you with them?????
you told me you'd still kiss me on the forehead and that you still love me. you told me you'd still comfort and protect me. you told me hugs when we hung up. i could barely answer.
why does everything perfect end up imperfect? why can't i be happy?
it's slowly killing me to live
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