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nascent
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back of a late nineties model ford explorer. her suv. on a hill in la habra heights overlooking the lights of north orange county, on a dirt shoulder of a winding road. i think it was the thursday after veterans day, so. . . november 13, 2002? on again off again ex girlfriend since freshman year of high school. senior year. i was 17, she was 16. we had alternately put each other through hell during the past three years. slim, almost frightfully thin blonde. formerly a hospitalized anorexic. 110, 5'6", 34A, size 1. long blonde hair and crystalline blue eyes. went for coffee beforehand. i did not plan it or want it. in fact, less than an hour before hand i stated explicitly "i do not want to lose my virginity to you." showed her the way up to the spot for the veiw. sat there. she showed me a bra she was wearing that she had bought for me a while ago. fucking hott. got turned on. so it begins. slid my hand up her thigh slowly, under her skirt. she "what are you thinking?" me "i think its time." in all honesty, i did not mean time to have sex. i meant time to fool around. we put the seats down in the back. instant bed. we fool around. people come to leave a nearby house, and we are blocking their exit. fuck. she moves the car, naked. what a shitty interruption. resume. she goes for the condom in the glovebox. she was planning this. i dont say no. . . horny so horny heat of the moment sex oh my god here it is oh my god. get it on get it in. my god its not as easy as it looks. pushing bending hurting slowly pushing. not as easy as i thought. too big. too small. ow ow ow. keep going. woman on top. cant feel a thing. not doing much. slipping out repeatedly. not just humping in and out like i thought. slip out again and again. this is dumb this is not worth it. try missionary. back to woman on top. take the condom off "ill never get anywhere with it on, i cant feel anything." boy that was intelligent. "ok, just dont come inside me." pair of rocket scientists we were. keep going. faster. ah this is better. wetter. woman on top. almost there. pull out (the father method, scientists call it) and go on both of us. weee. that was fun. not really. wasnt that great. afterwards sitting outside leaning on teh truck tires, she wanted me to hold her. so i did. and she started to cry. it was supposed to be no emotional attachment -- god knows i didnt love her -- but things never work out like that, do they? didnt know what to do so i just held her. i didnt even want this. but oh well, i suppose it was only right. to fit the cliche and all.
and we stared at the lights and the power lines of the city, silent and cold with the anti-climax of first climax.
what_a_fucking_waste
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031216
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