blather
misplaced_misunderstood
walrie my parents want me to go to church
i don't like church so much and for so long
that i have nearly convinced myself god doesn't even exist
i don't know the truth
but even going to fellowship for christian athletes doesn't feel right
i don't know how i feel i don't know what to think
i want to believe so badly
i want the sense of comfort it seems to bring people
but i can't force it on myself
i feel like if i even went to any sort of church function, i would be going less for god and more for meeting males
this is how i feel but i can't tell my parents this
they would be so heartbroken
they think i love god
i don't love very many things right now
how can i love something i don't even fully believe exists?
i wish this were easier
i wish i wish i knew what was right
051106
...
oren You are searching for answers instead of accepting, on blind faith, what others tell you.

You're_not_alone.

Even among those who have concluded that Christianity is the_Way, the more dynamic and effective followers started out where you are now: searching.

It seems that the more intelligent you are, the less likely you are to stop searching for truth.

Life_is a journey, not a destination. Keep moving, keep learning, keep singing, keep loving.

I_too do not feel comfortable in church activities, although I spent most of life trying to do just that.

I've changed my direction and gone after genuine hearts instead. Some of those people are Christians, many are not. Building a circle of true friends is like building a church; one that always feels like home, and always brings me closer to my_god.
051107