|
pablo
|
i am finally ready for this to be over.
you're just like the rest of them. you're just like everybody else. you're an asshole. you're another person i give my unconditional loyalty to who has screwed me over.
i am in shame and shock that someone who wrote so many love letters to me would have absolute indifference to leaving my side.
i meant the vows when i said them. you only meant them the first time you said them.
people think that you fall in love, your heart is broken, and then after some relative period of time, it's over. well for the most part that's true but there is more than one heartbreak. hearts don't split so easily. it takes a lot of pounding, chipping, and manipulation to make such a tough organ crack and eventually break. and it never heals completely.
my greatest fear is becoming somebody like you. so hypocritical. somebody who portrays themself as above the general populace, when really you are just like them. you chose the "secure" route.
for all this time i heard you talking shit about -------- for doing exactly what you just did. you both chose yourselves over me. you chose against a life with me, and what i did was remain loyal. at least -------- cared enough to end it. you didn't even give me the dignity of closure.
so i've been wandering around at night, crying out of the blue, my cheeks hurting from that inescapable crying grimace that i can't avoid, the pain like when you are in someone's wedding party and have to take 800 photos with a giant grin. the teeth bared and jaw clamped type of crying.
i hate you.
maybe you planned it this way. that you would just act the asshole and i would see all these horrible things about you, and that would inherently give me closure.
guess what? it hasn't.
i just feel like even more of a fool. like i am just constantly falling for your fucking tricks. even if it's my fault, even if it's because i am simply that gullible or naive, i would rather be that person than someone who (inadvertently or intentionally) manipulates another human being. and in the worst way. you fucked around with my heart.
|
110701
|
