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Bespeckled
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And now I'm older, definitely wiser, and supposedly better at making decisions.
For those who are curious as to how the "saga" played out ... D wasn't a bad choice, but not the choice for me. You know how they say every girl wants a guy like her Daddy? Well, he wasn't like my Daddy but I sure was looking for one. He was older, he spoke like a grown-up, he drove me around and made me his little princess. He was soooo mature and sooooo intelligent, and worshipped the ground I walked on, and so not the right guy for me. Not even close. We were a terrible match, but it took me 1 and a half years of being taken care of to realize that a girl can't find herself in a boy. Unfortunately, I think I broke his heart, but he wasn't one to really betray (or even have?) emotions, so I really can't be sure.
And now there's R. R who is everything I never knew I always wanted.
Strong, capable, direct, aggressive, challenging, masculine, powerful.
Immature, controlling, jealous, hypocritical, cold, insulting, hurtful.
To say I've never loved as much as I've loved him is an understatement.
So would saying I've never been hurt as much or as deeply either.
I'm not sure if it's normal to have to experience the deepest, darkest pain to also have the deepest, richest love - but so it goes.
Thanks, R, for making me want to grasp your waste in bliss, punch your face in hate and cry your name in tears all at the same time.
We'll see how this goes.
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