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fraying_heart
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pete
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cold air breaking the stalemate
of the stench of beers
and body odor,
we walk down the mainstreet
of this million citizen town
trying not to talk about
what we truly want to talk about.
the wind picks up
and a passing comment becomes
a conversation in memory of a broken heart
being re-lived each step of the way
down a residential side-street,
around where i used to live.
we talk about life
and how another's life has had
such an impact on mine,
though i was fine
with these thoughts in the dust
though now their stale pain
flew into the fore
and the comforting
frozen winds
didnt keep the shaking away
of trying to repress memories
i was once, and no longer,
comfortable with.
getting back to the bar,
finding the friends and calling a cab
listening as the girls
talk about their love lifes
and i sit staring at the city as it passes by
imagining music in my mind.
thanking tuesday for covering my tab
thanking the cabbie for the ride
i jump out into the middle of the road
and begin a frozen walk over the last
three blocks
alone with my mind.
finding my way into the house and beneath the warm covers that provide
no warmth
i shake as the thoughts assault as they converge
unable to sleep
'til the tears begin to dry
and the thoughts fade to dreams
and i can see the nous
shimmering in the distance
though i know not how to get there...
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041204
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Syrope
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i'm telling ya...holiday season: time for me to ricochet off the walls of emotions at top speed
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041205
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Deomis
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Poking out from the worn edges of my heart
Little threads of love
My heart is unravelling
'cause you're pulling all the rights strings
And this doll's heart
is all going away to you
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041205
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.
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so is all this vers libre?
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041205
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suicidalchinadoll
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its a little rougher for wear than perhaps it even was back then.
when I was a nervous wreck.
now I'm just sad. so much so that I barely even noticed until someone pointed it out...
"you're not even smiling and I'm jostling you all over the place!"
"what..?"
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041208
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falling_alone
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unravels with all the blood
and all the teardrops
it would be best to learn to knit
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050209
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once again
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Bisected muscles,
deep dead maroon.
frayed and failing,
they once beat with fervor.
here in my hand
it all seems so simple.
these ventricles...
that valve...
mitral, or pulmonary?
I can never remember.
And somehow, holding this
it seems unimportant.
Here is love
real and raw
here was life
and now it's gone.
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050210
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werewolf
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cigarettes in a wine glass
brackish red
like ember rafts,
pompei pillars.
there are so many things,
that we'll never say
to so many people.
but that is outside,
the air that we breath
things we know are necessary
but cannot feel the necessity of -
the song on the radio
seems to come into
only our existence.
there are so many things to say.
and so many people to say them to.
only so many, you answer
when i ask you
of your indiscretions
when birds mate they often mirror
each others motions,
so that every motion meets a motion
in kind.
and the night passes
in the advancing transparency
of the emptying wine bottle.
tyranical burgundy to inobtrusive.
and yet even when we know
we have each other,
there are still somethings
we can't say to each other.
perhaps we discount
ourselves, but not
each other.
but you can't explain that to anyone.
and so why then is this sadder?
there are so many things
we can't say to so many people.
yet the closer
those many come to us
in a person
in a yearning in our own heart -
the more that alien world
becomes us,
envelops us to the indistinct.
i thought i saw the same
in you the other day,
you paused for a moment
when my eyes searched
up curious and hopeful
despite myself,
as i rested my head on the pillow
and you were warm still
from the shower
streaked softly
in the manageable chaos of water -
you were about to say something,
but thought better.
and suddenly all of that outside
of our control and concern
is revealed as much broader.
you mechanically brush your hair
in the mirror,
and i slapstick yawn
and turn to sleep.
we become that very distance
we cannot understand.
and how can i question me,
without questioning you?
and we realize, there is so much
we'll never say to ourselves.
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050211
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flowerock
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a frayed heart has wisdom. it is not frayed and broken or weakened, it has frayed in effort to put out more feelers, more tendrils to touch other hearts and seek understanding and offer comfort to other hearts. the tendrils can connect and expand with other heartendrils. together we make a quilt of frayed hearts, connected by tendrilseams.
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140720
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flowerock
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I_am_fortunate not only to have found a heartmate but that my heartmatte is also a master crocheter, he has been mending my heart strings and teaching me how as well. and incase we need full heart_string repair, we've got a frien who can crochet string back into full hearts!
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140720
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unhinged
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he said i didnt show myself quickly enough. when i showed myself, he left just the same.
'you are better off alone.'
ive been alone for a vast majority of my life. the older i get, the more futile it seems.
'youll find someone when you arent looking'
and they will leave as soon as the cost_benefit_analysis no longer tips in their favor.
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140721
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