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two_weeks_notice
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TCMT
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Here is the truth: if you have true integrity you will not be well liked. It is one of the sacrifices of being sane.
And no, I am not talking about the cheap paper mache integrity that has been floating around these days—the kind that you and I have; I am talking about a different type of animal. I am not talking about the type of integrity that is rested down at the slightest inconvenience, when having it is too controversial and dangerous. I am not talking about the integrity that is thrown away at the slightest condemnation from peers and the community and society; I am not talking about that ugly mutation of integrity.
I am talking about the one that can’t be put down, can’t be hidden away, and refuses to surrender, the kind that is so powerful that it compels people to do noble, honorable, and stupid things. I am talking about integrity that challenged empires; I am talking about the integrity that so often leads good men to early graves—the kind of integrity that is so unpopular.
Here is what I truly want to say: Goodbye. Goodbye to this circus that is called living; I cannot live that way anymore. It is unbearable and annoying and as long as I accept it as the only way of life I will be a deeply conflicted, internally decaying human being. There are other ways of living and I intend on finding them.
So don’t ask me to tell you lies, or to pretend. Don’t ask me to put on a show or to shrug off all the suffering that I see around me.
Instead of worrying about poor people and humanity’s self-destructive elements I should focus on what I am wearing and if it is fashionable or how cool I sound when I talk—right? This is what I feel the world is telling me; I should focus on material things and be happy; I should be overly concerned about how popular I am and how much people like me; I should be striving everyday to please this insatiable corrupt fungus that we call society, and I should love it.
Oh, the economy is dying because greedy people in high places don’t give a shit about the people below? I should try to get a good job and strive to be rich.
Oh, we are still killing people in a far away desert? What of it, I am not from Iraq; I am an American.
Oh, some crazy Africans are killing each other? Why should I care! I should go to college and get a degree and listen to my elders and never question my religion, and be an obedient selfish dog—right? Because spending the rest of my life slaving away in order to pay off college loans while becoming numb to everything bad that happens around me is what I should be doing, isn’t it?
Fuck that!
I think I would get more gratification out of shooting myself in the foot and clothing the blood with marshmallows instead of cotton. Is that crazy? Well so is accepting poverty when people can buy islands.
I have decided to live consciously. I have decided to have integrity because it is what truly matters. I have decided to believe in something and not compromise that belief because of fear; I have decided to love people enough to be honest with them; I have decided to care about the world enough to not accept the lies that are used to justify the way things are.
If there is anything important in life, it is to live truly and deeply and consciously and truthfully and fairly, it is to stop bullshitting and stop pretending and stop confusing worldly wealth with true success. If there is anything that matters in this world, it is dying without shame. I should not have to make excuses for myself or this world when I am on my death bed—because I was too afraid to live justly and I accepted the world as it is instead of trying to make it better.
Forget about heaven or hell; forget about being accepted; forget about fitting in; forget about achieving what the world thinks you should achieve; and remember why we are really here: to make a difference and leave this world having provided something that made it better in some way.
As for me…I quit...I am writing off this circus show and doing something different. I encourage you to do the same.
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090228
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ergo
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ok
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090301
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hsg
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"you have true integrity you will not be well liked"
...by the parts of people which are not representative of their true self.
... who_cares_what_people_think
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090301
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unhinged
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having true integrity doesn't mean being aggressive and in peoples' faces.
i find most people appreciate the truth, the follow through, authentic behavior. and if they don't, fuck them. they aren't worth associating with anyways.
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090302
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unhinged
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materialism_is_the_root_of_too_much_evil
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090302
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stork daddy
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today is my first day at my new job.
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090302
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Lemon_Soda
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A shameless life?
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090302
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TCMT
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Well...it depends on what level of truth we are talking about. In a shallow sense, most people can accept the truth. And no, having integrity has nothing to do with being standoffish or getting in people's faces, it has to do with speaking your truth no matter how unpopular it is, and welcoming the challenge.
A great bulk of human interaction is false and I can list the many ways that it is but I guess I will wait for somebody to disagree before I list them.
There is a considerable part of human interaction that is truly honest, but it appears only in glimpses for short periods of time.
But like I said before, there are various layers to truth.
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090302
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TCMT
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Is a shameless life possible? Who knows, but it is a dream that I am entertaining at the moment. I am sure my life won't be completely shameless, but I am willing to try at it.
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090302
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TCMT
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and yes hsg...I agree. Most people are afraid to look into themselves and discover their true self. I am no exception to the rule. But it has become tiresome for me, to keep up with the falsity of daily life: the apathy, the hatred, the lies, and the silly competing egos.
So I have been practicing alternative ways of living.
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090302
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Lemon_Soda
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I know who I am for the most part. Being productive(in my own eyes, anyway) has given me alot more confidence in how I live my life. I can't lie and say its perfect, though, because how I would really like to act and how I would really like to dress etc etc only sees the light of day(or my life) in my own home or around friends, away from the public. Its nothing so destructive or selfish that its anathema for practical reasons...its more silly, than anything else(if one were to ask an objective viewer using societal standards as we know them in the midwest). I do hope to attain enough indipendance that I live my life completely the way I would like to and a big part of me is actually kind of happy I will have to work so hard to achieve it. Another crux is that I dont think its appropriate of me to expect others to change their views so I can entertain myself however I please, but part of being happy for me is keeping people I like in my life even though I they don't personally subscribe, nor even understand, my own personal wishes.
It can be very confusing/frustrating but atleast I'm headed in the right direction.
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090302
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TCMT
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I can completely understand and relate to what you are saying. It is hard to truly be one's self amidst all the pressure to conform to what people want you to be. And there are many people in my life that I would be afraid of losing if I allowed myself to embrace my own nature without shame. Because of what I truly believe, this embracing has the potential to separate me from a lot of people, people I genuinely care about.
But should I show people a false me in order for them to accept me? I have thought about this greatly, and I agree, it is a ongoing process. But I am literally exhausted with putting u a show, however small it may be, in order to keep in the good graces of some. I believe if there are people who truly care about me, they will love me regardless of what I truly am. I have looked into myself and I see that the person I want to be--the person inside of me--is not in the slightest way despicable. I also believe that introspection is key when deciding to live an honest life.
If I lose people along the way it will be regrettable. But then I will know who loves me for who I truly am.
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090303
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dan
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how's that going then?
I found not caring about who I lose makes people respond more warmly to me. bizarre.
partly its being comfortable in my skin with a screw you all attitude. partly its people who want to rescue me and thereby themselves who come closer. partly it's people who like to be treated badly. that they can understand and it gives them the excuse of reciprocity to treat me disrespectfully as well.
much more out and out discord but more inner harmony.
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091223
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daxle
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As I've aged, I've found it's more meaningful just to live according to your principles, than it is to declare them loudly.
Two weeks or so, I'll be popping out another human being. We'll see how that goes.
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091224
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unhinged
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congratulations and much health to you and your almost new little one dax. my brother just moved to the bay last week. i'm looking to come visit in a few months. i would love to see you again and meet your new munchkin.
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091225
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xelad
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We'd love to see you :)
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100208
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unhinged
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boy or girl?
name?
birthday?
i'm not sure exactly when i'm coming, but i'll be sure to let you(s) know.
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100208
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shoccolo
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how I'd love to leave - to be with you.
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100208
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