blather
i_went_into_rehab
Death of a Rose a few years ago
and while there i discussed why
i feel sick
to my addiction

but there was a an older crack head
i talked with outside of the sanitorum
he talked about his love of climbing mountains but his crack pipe
left his mountains crumbled
he couldn't see his love of the mountains anymore.

he wasn't a small man
i told him that always a man can stand on a plain viewing grasses only
doesn't mean that he could not imagine
the mountains.

i hope he is sober and in the hills viewing the mountains,
if not even climbing them to this day.

i was also called inspiring
to a younger drunk
because i bought him a blue book
and told him that people can seem
uncaring asswipes
but not all of us are uncaring about the fate of others.

that was very devestating to me,
because i showed i cared
and didn't know how to be thankful for it.

again i left there with tears
and told another fuckup
to just love his mother
be proud he had her always at his back.

told him to just love the people that give you the strength to be here.

and then i went back to my hovel/home
and forgot it all in drinking
because i never listened to myself
or others.

so fucker
start listening to yourself again
ok?

. 		130527
...
dafremen I quit pot again yesterday. This time I've got to make it stick. All of my dreams are riding on my ability to stay away from weed.

You always get strange looks from NA people when you say, "My name is Daf and I'm a recovering pothead." Some sort of pretentious, ridiculous drug addict snobbery takes hold and everyone looks at you like "Hey, didn't you notice that there are crack and heroin addicts here? Why don't you sit the fuck down?"

But it's because they don't understand that physical addiction is bad..but it's the psychological addiction to the habit and the feeling that has us going back for more in the end. If that weren't true, heroin addicts would never relapse after pulling through withdrawal. Who wants to go through excruciating withdrawal again? But they do, because they are as addicted to their habit and their security blanket as I am to mine, and so their addiction is no more severe than mine. On the contrary, I have no tortuous withdrawals to deter me from falling back into the arms of Mary Jane. 		130528
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