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unhinged
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say it with your whole black mouth: i am innocent
& if you are not innocent, say this: i am worthy
of forgiveness, of breath after breath.
i tell you this: i let blue eyes dress me in guilt
walked around stores convinced the very skin
of my palm was stolen. what good has it brought?
days filled flinching thinking the sirens
were reaching for me. & when the sirens were mine
did i not make peace with God?
so many white people are alive
because we know how to control ourselves.
how many times have we died on a whim
wielded like gallows in their sun_shy hands?
here, standing in my own body, i say: next time
they murder us for the crime of their imaginations
i don't know what i'll do.
i did not come to preach of peace
for that's not the hunted's duty.
i came her to say what i can't say
without my name being added to a list
what my mother fears i will say
what she wishes to say herself
i came her to say
i can't bring myself to write it down
sometimes i dream of pulling an apology
from a pig's collared neck & wake up crackin' up
if i dream of settng fire to cul-de-sacs
i wake chained to the bed
i don't like thinking about doing to white folks
what white folks done to us
when i do
can't say
i don't dance
o my people
how long will we
reach for God
instead of something
sharper?
- danez_smith
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200221
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