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misstree
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i want to be attracted. i really do.
i have no reason not to be. i can think up excuses all i want, but really, the peachfish states its desires quite clearly. but the brain, not so much balks, as hits a numb spot. there's nothing there, no desire, only intellectual interest.
i am always disappointed when their interest dies immediately and completely when i end the game, when i put across in maybeless terms that no, my brain is broken, as lovely as a good solid fuck would feel i'm not interested. i can't blame them, given the circumstances, but i feel the loss of a human connection to mating drives and directives, and it hurts, both because they feel it and i cause it.
i wish i could want them.
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061219
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