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epitome of incomprehensibility
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Alright. As we have been extensively made aware of, J.K. Rowling's allegedly final Harry Potter book is hitting--no, battering--the international markets within hours. The countdown is on. Important characters will die, struck down by the ruthless pen of the author. But, as breathless fans ask, what will the fate of Harry be?
Here is The Prophecy. A plan instituted by the Ministry of Magic will update all wizarding equipment so that cell phones will be used for magic instead of wands. Sadly, both Ron and Hermione will be text messaged "avda kdvra" sometime during their seventh year at Hogwarts and will promptly drop dead. Harry will get fed up and move to the States to begin a cozy executive job at a competitive salary. However, he will still be plagued by owls from his alma mater requesting donations from alumni.
In a thrilling finale, Voldemort will explode after eating one of Fred and George Weasley's bizarre concoctions.
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