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kingsuperspecial
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it started as forgetting.
first one day, then two, then five.
I knew the time was coming,
had made it a goal, a desire to know
to see what the other side was like again.
now I am falling through that world
the friction of re-entry touching everything
a twist and crash, thoughts stretching the sadness
that had been folded and hidden,
displayed for viewing, and artifact only.
For two years I regulated the world
filtered the ugly and the low
with a magic static veil
synthetic reasonable light
and the hurt and doubt could not damage
only pace in its cage and glare out at the world.
now I am loose again.
lept into void unprepared
and the first steps back bring
confusion, apathy, and sorrow.
I am tumbling unprotected
swimming heavy through the dreary
dragged down by a daily process
no safety, no escape
the relentless certain disappointments step close
magnified entropy on a microcosmic bent
pushed and slapped past all
that I could
or should
or might
or won’t.
how long will I endure it before I creep back?
the impulse to hide overwhelms pride or strength
lost shattered reflection, echoes of a belief
that I can be happy in myself.
the hot knife of depression
skims my thoughts
taunting.
I grasp for a break to my fall,
to keep it at bay,
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