|
dafremen
|
News Outlets To Begin Hiring Undead
Media outlets Fox, NBC and CNN announced in almost chaingun succession this week their plans to begin hiring new reporters from among members of the undead community. Fox was the first to make the announcement on Monday, when CEO Rupert Murdoch made it clear that tragedy was the future of network news and that the undead were uniquely equipped for the job. "What truffles are to a pig, death is to the news industry. It is our life's blood," said Murdoch. "In the cutthroat environment of 21st century journalism, cold unfeeling ambulance chasers have been invaluable tools, but now they're simply not enough," he went on, "brain-eating zombies seem to have a sixth sense which homes in on the dead, confused and defenseless. They are perfect for the task."
NBC and CNN soon followed suit with announcements the following Wednesday, and now water coolers are abuzz:
Do we have enough photos of the dead and depressed yet? Are the corpse images fresh enough? Should they be fresher? Will zombie reporters add an angle that might excite us again like those first televised images of Lee Harvey's Jack-Ruby-induced groan did?
As shocking as the announcements may have been to the viewing public, industry experts hardly seem surprised. Said one source, on condition of anonymity, "News teams have long acknowledged that the ability to sniff out dead bodies is crucial to staying competitive in this industry. It was only a matter of time before someone in the industry made the connection [between brain-eating zombies and news people.]"
|
070825
|
