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i dug a hole and buried my necktie, which dug itself out ten days later and knocked on my door asking why i buried it. i said "because i no longer need to be so formal. i have no use for you." the necktie shrugged in agreement and hitchhiked across the united states, embarking on an adventure that was sometimes dull, sometimes scary. the necktie disliked the smell of deer carcasses. it learned how to tie knots, which seemed like instinct. one day, the necktie met another necktie named ralph and they played in the sand. another time, mr. necktie fell in love with the ridiculous monument designed to celibrate the growth of a small town. it's inhabitants were all dead and jellied and there was no explanation. the necktie learned to swim, something he had been meaning to do. he gained the ability to bark and communicated with dogs nationwide. every so often, he would dangle from the entrance of a service station and tickle the heads of people who were gasless. he grew a nose and eyes and feet. he got a job as a pageant commentator which freaked him out a little. the necktie removed a sliver of glass from the leg of a man trying to break into a taco bell. some day, we will all be joined on the ship of liquid mornings.
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