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you_may_need_help
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no reason
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when you've lost the ability to move forward
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110819
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... |
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h|s|g
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A) false
B) true
(circle_won)
break_the_cycle
a mirror_called
(REMflections)
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110820
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Ouroboros
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despair circles and descends more often than not. at_this_point_in_my_life the chances of my not killing myself someday seem to be slim- but therapy gives me hope that this all can shift, that I have a life raft. 50 minutes a week leaves me with endless other hours of darkness- despair is so heavy, in my chest, my whole body goes numb with the weight, and I can't breathe. I forget about it when it leaves, but it keeps returning with a vengeance. it's tiring: functioning in this fucked up society. mustering enough energy to not appear wounded to everyone i meet. trudging along knowing that things will only be getting worse. and no one can be responsible for me- no body will be catching this body (coming through the rye.)
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110826
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re_alisma
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always here for you. always want to hear your story. it gets pretty dark in my own neck of the woods, too. i haven't yet decided if i can afford therapy.
(also i have a little pet astrological theory that the cardinal signs, like Libra, go through all the cardinal signs in sequence, in 7.5 degree increments. it happens that saturn is almost but not quite, done with the cancer part. saturn with cancer is not a guaranteed happy energy, and i think you will like the libra part of libra much better, all things being equal. probably i'm being a little confusing, but i mean to say that we've been through some rough times, us leos, with mercury retrograding in leo, contacting venus (a planet of happiness) and saturn in libra, cancer portion, ensures that we're feeling it in most portions of the body? i know i am and i pretty much threw a hissy fit a week or two ago and have not reached my equilibrium again yet.)
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110826
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Ouroboros
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hmmm. i really appreciate this view of how astrology can influence me each day (and in each moment of the day depending on planet movements.) i met someone recently who told me he tracks how he feels and what interactions he has while his moon is in the various parts of his chart. i still don't know enough about it all. but i think i understand what you wrote.
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110826
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... |
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unhinged
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this month was rough for me too dear. I hear the planets have hit a rough patch. I feel stuck in a wave of sadness too, deeper than moving to a new place, leaving the boy behind, not having a job yet, not really having any friends...oh christ, the list is getting too long.
I have sent my resume out to so many jobs I lost track and the only one I heard back from is a ridiculous distance from my place on the bus.
I have this absurd amount of change and rejection in my life right now; I guess that would be enough to make anyone sad. But i don't just feel sad; i feel like I am fucked. I feel like I made a mistake. I feel heart gnawing doubt.
And I also feel all the insecurities I had as a little girl coming back.
I feel like I am being self_centered and my words aren't accurately portraying my sympathy. But I feel it too dear; that big wet blanket of sadness that makes me want to stay in bed watching dvds all day when at the very least I should be trying much harder to find a job. *sigh*
you were a light to me a couple of weeks ago with that email. I'm sorry I can't give you a hug
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110827
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no reason
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i've been feeling the same way (and ouroboros, definitely know what you mean about feeling like you need to project yourself as 'happy' to the public) but i think it may be lifting a bit
we'll see
maybe there is something in the air/stars/earth/water
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110827
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unhinged
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i read a lot of horoscopes daily and every once and awhile they send me weekly and monthly forecasts; things are supposed to be getting better soon. at least as far as the stars and planets are concerned...
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110827
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Ouroboros
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I'll wait to see if a miracle shows- otherwise I'm on my way out.
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110906
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Ouroboros
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That was my lowest day, in the history of being in this body. On the edge- working up to demapping myself- for hours- until I said to myself "OK do it now, or don't." And I didn't. I still live. Since then I weave in and out of deep numbing, into moments of calm, into great insights about myself. I faced my blackness, and made a choice to leave it alone, leave it be. Things are shifting, time is speeding up, we are moving toward a major turning point, and I am getting myself there one day at a time. I treat myself kindly, I watch my patterns and try to disrupt the harmful ones, and I pray, and I meditate, and I piece myself back together.
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110930
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unhinged
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and there is at least one being on this planet that is glad you are still on this planet as trite as that may sound
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111001
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Ouroboros
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love
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111001
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n o m
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if you ask for it
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111001
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