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notme
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we all die .
i will die and we will die.
every human being reading this will probably die in time, and yes i am afraid of death but in some ways i am looking forward to it.
i like to think of it as dessert, and sometimes i can't hardly wait to taste it. to know that i can, to know it exists. but right now i feel like i still have a lot of peas on my plate left to eat and i'm so hungry i feel i actually want more peas before cake time.
i know peas are good and tasty.
i used to think i hated peas, i thought they were yucky. i'd move 'em around with my fork pretending to eat, hiding them in my napkin, feeding them to the mouths i imagined were living under the table.
sometimes i am just sitting at the table, looking at my fork, examining every little pea, nibbling,...and then i find myself scoffing them down and it's then i realize my hunger.
a bit of cake sounds tempting. i've tried to steal little fingerdippings of the icing when i thought nobody was looking, wondering at the idea of eating the whole thing.
but right now the thought of cake sorta disgusts me. i just want to eat all my peas, and then if i still have room, eventually yes, i want to eat my piece of cake. i don't want to rush through my meal. i_don't_want_to_die for a while.
no cake, not yet,
,not for a long time.
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040623
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