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DannyH
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A chicken is not a nut. These are the facts. Would you crack under pressure? These wings are made for eating. I taste of the sweet earth, offer the complex gritty undertones of the fungus, but I do not give up my secrets easily. You have to learn just how hard to squeeze, create a minor implosion, enough to fracture the ribcage but leave the heart still beating.
A chicken is different. You must catch it (and remember it is only semi-flightless) and then wring its neck with a sharp merciful twist. The less brutal, the more cruel. Then you must pull out all its feathers, cut off any unsightly bits, rip out its innards, select the bits you want, put them in a bag and shove them back inside. Then shove its legs up its arse and tie it up with string. The next step is to wrap it in cellophane and transport it a great many miles to a suitably chilled warehouse. From there it should be transported to a random location, most likely a supermarket fridge, where it should be bought, paid for, put in a car and transferred to a third refrigeration unit and left for about 24 hours. Next day it should be removed from its cellophane and put on a metal tray in an oven at a temperature that would surely have killed the bird were it not already long dead. After over an hour of this treatment, the bird should be cut to pieces and eaten by at least two different people with a selection of vegetables which have all met similar fates.
Attempting the above procedure with a nut would be foolhardy and would almost certainly end in disappointment. Equally, a chicken should not be squeezed to death, not even with a specially designed chicken cracker. The beauty of the chicken is that it can be cooked whole. Eating part of an animal, like a steak or a chop is macabre and gory butchery. On the other end of the scale, a prawn curry is a massacre, a genocidal feast. Hundreds must die for you to eat. A chicken is one on one. A wholesome meal provided by the entirety of one easy to recognise animal. Eating a whole roast chicken is an honest and healthy admission of our relationship with the animals. The deal is “We feed you. We eat you.” Much the same deal we make with our employers, although they take bites out of us while we are still alive.
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011108
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