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elimeny
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are weird.
during the date, i didnt think i was nervous, not at all. i was feeling very confident and sexy and pretty and girly and all that jazz or whatever. i was everything i wanted to be... i was elimeny at her best i suppose. and he was great, it was fun...
but when i dropped him off, and drove off, i felt this HUGE sigh of relief. not because he was gone really, but i suddenly relaxed. its like when i used to get on stage, and i would be okay while on stage, but immediately afterwards i would start bawling because of all the nervousness. i dont even know why i was so nervous, there really was no reason to be... but i guess i was, because my stomach still feels kinda funny, and i mean, its not because he swept me off my feet or anything like that, i hold no such illusions.
the whole time i was talk talk talking because i was afraid of the silence, and when i was alone i was finally able to shut up. i think i prefer to be alone. no funny stomach issues, no knots, no issues.
god, i HATE first dates. blah, i always just want to skip through all the getting to know one another bullshit, and get right down to the good shit. but i think thats how i always manage to fuck everything up.
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030830
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