|
| |
the_last_night_of_my_life
|
|
|
gay gizmo
|
There is great pressure for this night. I pray that it will go well. Will I be missed? Have I left any kind of dent on the world? Or am I just another mindless lemming scurrying through the motions that consume everyday functions? I dont want to be a waste, yet I'm so afraid. Afraid of my inadequecy of a human. Afraid that my once chance has slipped through my fingertips all too soon. Because thats all we really get, one chance. One chance to make it right and never look back. How many of us can say that we are making the right choices? I'm not sure I have. Everyday I do the same shit. How is that supposed to amount to anything worthwhile? Anything worth writing down? My thoughts are invaluable, but I wish they werent. I wish I could make something of myself, make a name, make a difference past those who I have direct contact with.
This night will be glorious. The stars will be twinkling somewhere and the sun will be beaming brightly elsewhere. This night is amazing. A sense of realization will come over me, I am sure of it. And maybe, just maybe, for that one tiny fraction of a second before my breathe leaves me, I will be content with everything. That is all I can hope for. Not having any regrets. Not looking back wishing it was different.
So much pressure on the last night of my life.
(By the way, for those of you wondering....this is not a suicide not or anything like that. just another ramble of thoughts that pass)
|
021103
|
| |
... |
|
|
Jeca
|
*whew* don't SCARE me like that, gizmo!
|
021103
|
| |
... |
|
|
Aimee
|
I'll stay up late tonight. I'll look through my pictures, and I'll remember when I was happy. I'll justify everything. I'm not happy anymore. I'm not going to pretend... what good will it do? The minute, no, the second things start to go well or seem to get on track, I hit another roadblock and wind up about $500 in the hole because of it. My presence here is just not needed. I haven't made a "dent" in this world. My boyfriend even told me he doesn't want me with him through his grandpa's funeral. Yeah. Thanks. I appreciate it. Validate my suspicions. Doesn't matter. I won't be here when you come home. You might miss me... but even that will be fleeting. *sighs* later
|
021104
|
| |
... |
|
|
Alex
|
you never know.. it might be mine tonight...
|
021122
|
