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devalis
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It's time to get them all in one place.
ON QUARTETS:
A string quartet is composed of a violinist, a bad violinist, a former violinist and someone who hates violinists.
A quartet made up of a two violinists, a violist and a bassist is playing at a wedding when one of the wedding guests drops a $100 bill. None of the other guests notices. Who in the quartet gets the $100 bill?
The second violinist. Why?
The first violinist doesn't get it because a first violinist isn't going anywhere for $100. The bassist doesn't get it because he's too stupid to realize that $100 has been dropped. And the violist doesn't get it because he was too busy trying to figure out how the fuck to play out of first position.
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ON VIOLISTS:
What's the difference between a violist and a seamstress? A seamstress tucks up frills.
What's the difference between a violist and a prostitute? A prostitute knows more than one position.
What's the difference between a viola and a violin? A viola burns longer.
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ON CELLISTS:
What's the difference between a cello and a casket? With a casket, the dead body is on the inside.
That's all I got, give me more!
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020921
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