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srealismatic
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my grandmother, at 89, tearfully expressed how she didn't want to be a burden on anyone. At 93, she's had to more or less accept it.
I've -always- felt myself to be a burden to my parents, some sort of unnecessary burden, consequence of youthful, unaffordable mistake. Freud thought humanity's fatal error was thinking that life - a paternal god - would bless it when life actually has quite a few priorities. It was insisted that I was a necessary burden and I've had to slough off that 'I' to have any sort of moral code at all. I'm not here to force my parents into anything. They did it to themselves. Wait, why do I live oh accountability! There is some sort of 'I' associated with my past now if there were a medication that did not erase my memory, a lack of CIA beams shifting their sense of accountability onto the very structure of the culture I'd like to have been able to enjoy.
Karma you never know. You're in jail, you're a hero. No you're not. Freud was an idiot.
My therapist and I came up with a solution for the clutter books. I will take pictures of their covers preserving the memory of the hope i had when I bought them, print em, make a binder of book covers. Can I do this securely? I hope so. The government(s) don't need to know how I had a desire, had to deburden myself of the pages of that desire ( i don't burn books, but that would also remove the feeling ), but not be filled with regret of abandoned reading. They are available at the library. i might spring for a few of them still.
I still can't forgive google for requiring a library card when you didn't have a friend-invite for gmail. Can you?
(Google is not a person; google is a stock-and-trade; there are people raising children on google; they thought like Freud thought they shouldn't.)
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150714
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