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xedla
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As I'm laying in bed, thinking about this conversation-
This person, who doesn't know me, yet has tried to tell me who I am, what I think, what I feel, and what I should be feeling instead-
Who accused me of making the conversation all about my feelings after zhe had just told me how to feel-
I realized that I had been expertly trolled.
As my heart rate went down and I began to drift off, I began to imagine a scenario:
I am waiting in a hallway and I meet this person's gaze. Anger flares immediately. Zhe is quickly in my face. We are sharing words of anger, but nothing is intelligible. It doesn't actually matter what we are saying.
Next thing I know, our faces are touching, our lips are smashing... something of a kiss fight. Prelude to a hate_fuck.
But then my heart rate is up again, and I am nowhere near sleep.
I realize I am engaging in this conversation because I am a bit adrift. Not sure of my course, and wishing for more fortitude.
I have to tuck in my ego and stick with the practices that keep me sane in these sorts of times. But that is not romantic or dazzling, and my tired heart is tempted.
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