blather
on_the_one_hand
silentbob on the one hand, i begged myself to not feel the same way anymore, begged myself not to hurt, begged myself to get over it, it would never happen, i told myself. especially how obsessive i was getting, how strong i was coming on. and how bad that is.

on the other hand, i thought for a moment i had figured out everything i wanted, like i had finally found it.

but it just turned out to be one of my fifteen minute crushes that goes away.

it was seriously so bad yesterday.
and now its gone, and before i would have loved it, but now i want it back. because its...fun to dwell.
040125
...
sabbie there is a written note to myself
something i needed to remember
it's half gone now
with time
and wrestling with the night
which makes it all sound angsty
but it was really a playfight with spidy.

i think i won
i like to think i won
i'm not sure anyone won
i'm not sure either of us won
i think we're both not one.

on the one hand
there are scabs and scars
of my own stupidity
and the 'bee asked how i got them
and i answered truthfully -
through my own sheer stupidity.

on the one hand
silver rings
and flesh coloured markers
remind me of the road i've traveled
the road i'm on

on the other hand...
nothing.
040126
...
silentbob oh the humor of reading this now 040323